September…I am not sure that I like you!

Ok, Ok, let me say this about September…I love the fall, the way the air smells and how the leaves change, how I can wear jeans and not be dying, how I can throw on a hoodie or cute sweater and that I can wear my hair down without dying of heat.  But goodness has this month been a killer. The boys have been a new form of naughty, Life has felt crazy and I am tired.

There are days lately like I feel like I am treading water and not very well. But honestly, there really isn’t anything that anyone can help me with. Logan misses his dad. He tells me close to every day how he wants to live with him. How he needs to move to Georgia and be close to his dad. Every day it breaks my heart. Not because I don’t want him to be close to Randy or have full access anytime he wants, but it breaks my heart because he is going through this. It breaks my heart that a stupid adult decision is hurting him. It plain just breaks my heart.

IMG_0344Kolten. Dear Lord Kolten. He has become mean. He is mean to me. He is mean to his brother. He is mean to everyone. But for the most part, he does it and laughs, because really he wants to just play with you. But man…the bruises that I have and him for that matter are a killer.  He goes non-stop from dawn to dusk, last week we couldn’t go anywhere…with a black eye and a black swollen ear, I seriously looked like I abused my child. (I do not, nor have I ever abused my child!)

But there are some great positives that are coming to light.  Logan has started school again, which he loves and I love that he loves school. I am purposing myself to spend more one on one time with him as he is having some jealousy issues.  I want to do the things he wants to do, so I am working hard at listening to him and his needs.  Kolten is doing well in therapy and his words are coming, slowly, not at my pace, and still a lot of signing and pointing, but it is better than 6 month ago. IMG_0328

Lastly, I am trying to find to fit in any type of “me” time. Time, where I can decompress, where I can grow so that in the morning I can be better for my kids, for my life, for my future.  Life is looking to change for us in the next year as we plan out our next chapters.  We are praying, looking at options and being open to what God has in store for us. Here is to hoping the rest of September is smooth sailing and cooler weather!


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