Do you ever have those moments in life…moments you don’t necessarily realize will be the defining moments until you realize that they are? Today Logan was diagnosed with Autism. While that is not what is defining my life, or his, or even our families, it is a true testament to the people that I have around me and the people I believed were my friends. When your family is given 2 life altering diagnosis in 2 months time frame, it can be overwhelming for those around you, and they can feel unsure what to say, so they say nothing. For me today, friendships were anchored, and others are not so important anymore. Today I realized how blessed I am that my mom is my best friend in the world. That she is funny and sweet and loves me to the core, but more importantly, she doesn’t let me have these hard moments alone. She is my hero, if I can be half of the mom and woman that she is, I will never fail.
Our life is different. It is unique. It is a challenge to raise 2 boys under 5 alone. It is a bigger challenge when you add in the autism. But for me their autism is just a piece of who they are, it doesn’t make things harder…it just makes challenges different. Every day can be an adventure and this week was a challenging adventure in life, topped off by the official diagnosis for Logan. Again, not a huge shock….we have thought it for a while, we thought it even before Kolten was diagnosed. But to hear it. It is a lot to process. I have largely avoided phone calls today, preferring to text or saying nothing at all, because I am unsure where my emotions lay. I feel like I now have to challenge the world for both boys, to ensure that they are always treated equal and fair. I feel like I will always wear that invisible cape, teaching them to never let anything stop them.
I know that I was blessed with these precious souls. I know that my life will be richly affected by who they are and how they see the world. But today, today this sucks. In fact, it blows. Today, and just today, I want to scream why me? why them? why us? I have never met a challenge I didn’t work my tail off to accomplish and I will never stop for these two. But seriously….can we get one thing that is easy? I am not feeling sorry for myself, I am being honest, and raw and emotional. I am processing.
So today our lives changed…but really it didn’t.