Autism.

Today was the day. Today was D-day as I was affectionately calling it. Today was the day that answers for Kolten would happen. Today, after a full day of testing, we got the diagnosis. Kolten has autism.  Kolten. Autism. Kolten.

Logically I have been here for a month or two. When it was first suggested, I started to do mass research on it. Kolten fit in so many places. He had all the signs and I hadn’t seen it. But hearing the diagnosis today was bittersweet. It was on one hand, reassuring, because now, finally we have answers for his behaviors and outbursts. But on the flip side…it is hard to hear. It is hard to hear that your kid is always going to be different, in a world where differences are not always celebrated…especially as a kid.

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Lessons Learned

So I wrote this last month for Veteran’s Day and then forgot to post it….so here we go.

 

There is this word in the English language that conveys so much.

Veteran.

 

It means one who served their country. In peace or in war. One who offered to risk their life so others could be free.

 

Then there is phrase in the English language.

 

Combat Vet.

 

Someone who served in a war zone to ensure your freedom. Everyone’s freedom. This phrase evokes so many emotions that it can be hard to put it all into words.

 

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Challenges. Adventures. Fun?

The last month has been full of decisions, appointments, challenges and the possibility for so many adventures in our future.

First, let me start with the challenges.  It has recently been decided to do Autism screening on Kolten because he is high risk with his current behaviors, lack of verbal skills, no fear and not feeling much pain. He will go through the Autism Diagnostic Observation Schedule or ADOS as we call in on November 20th. On that day we will find out a diagnosis. We will know.  We will have answers. To say this isn’t a scary journey is an understatement. To say that I am not worried is an understatement. But to know, at the end of the day to have a direction, a way to go, some answers, for that I am so grateful.

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September…I am not sure that I like you!

Ok, Ok, let me say this about September…I love the fall, the way the air smells and how the leaves change, how I can wear jeans and not be dying, how I can throw on a hoodie or cute sweater and that I can wear my hair down without dying of heat.  But goodness has this month been a killer. The boys have been a new form of naughty, Life has felt crazy and I am tired.

There are days lately like I feel like I am treading water and not very well. But honestly, there really isn’t anything that anyone can help me with. Logan misses his dad. He tells me close to every day how he wants to live with him. How he needs to move to Georgia and be close to his dad. Every day it breaks my heart. Not because I don’t want him to be close to Randy or have full access anytime he wants, but it breaks my heart because he is going through this. It breaks my heart that a stupid adult decision is hurting him. It plain just breaks my heart.

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I am just one person

I am just one person.  This is a mantra that I often find myself saying.  Especially on days like today. Days where I have yet another evaluation for Kolten.  Days where once again he qualifies to get help because he is behind.  Now, I am so grateful that he is getting help, but it is a lot for one mama to process.  Days like today, I process so many emotions that it can be hard to think straight. I can be hard to comprehend.  So today I am going to process here.

I have this kid who is amazing. He is spunky and crazy and funny and loveable and perfect.  Six months ago, I took him for his routine 2 year check up with his pediatrician. Nothing was ringing in my ears as flags, minus the fact that he just wasn’t really talking.  And by not talking, I mean, zero words.  I know, you are thinking…hello, that is a huge red flag, but he fully comprehends everything you say to him.  So he understands the communication, but the poor dude just isn’t able to verbalize.  Our doctor was concerned and referred us to Children’s Village.  I am of the mindset that early intervention is the best option.  So we went in for our first of many evaluations.   Continue reading

The Aftermath of a Vacation

Vacation. The word alone makes me so happy. Add beach to that and I am even happier.  We got home Saturday night from a week on the Oregon Coast.  It was cold but beautiful.  I love time spent with the boys uninterrupted.  We rode bikes. We played in the ocean…ok they played I watched(it was way too cold!)  We searched for and found really cool rocks! We climbed rocks. We made smores. Seriously, we just had some fun.

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Learning to Lead

This was the second year in a row that I attended the Global Leadership Summit.  And the second year in a row that my soul has been rejuvenated with a sense of something larger in the world and to use my talents, determination and drive for the greater good. To lead others. To lead my family. To lead myself. This last year has been a great one personally. The boys and I are thriving in our home, we are worshiping God and we are loving each other. The last year at work though…has been exhausting. I don’t mean exhausting in a bad way (although there has been some bad exhaustion).  In November of 2014 I got tapped to lead a team, we call them Team Leaders.  A leader.  A role that I had honed in my military service, but that I had not held in many many years.  That left me more than a little nervous.  I pulled out talks from the 2014 Summit and found the courage and conviction to lead a team that was in need of a strong and dedicated leader.   Continue reading

Trying to live by grace….

Some days I just feel like I lack the grace to accomplish any task. It is on these days I need to give grace the most that I find myself forgetting it. It is the days when the boys won’t stop bickering. When we have had 200-time outs, forced playing in separate rooms, all electronics taken away and still, still they can’t be nice to each other. I will finally get one settled and happy for the other to run by and get in their face….oh how I need grace at that moment because the anger is right there. Continue reading