Elopement. This is not a word that you probably use in your daily vocabulary unless you have a child with Autism. This is a word that is constantly used in our life. What is it? It is when a child runs, escapes, takes off….this is not a discipline issue. this is not an out of control issue. It is one of the many things that come with having a child who has zero fear. Who doesn’t necessarily understand that it is truly a safety issue for him. Continue reading “Running Away…again”
Life lately has been one emotional journey after another. Each day we tackle a new emotion, a new feeling and a new meltdown. Part of it is that Logan is 5, part of it is the Autism, part of it is the changes that are coming. But all of it is overwhelming and a struggle. There are not many days or times that I complain about being a single mom. It is my life and how we cope with things in our little family of three, is just our way of doing things. However, Logan’s emotions can take over my own and it is exhausting. It is hard. And I want to be able to tag team and take a break, but alas, that is not an option and so we keep moving forward. Continue reading “Emotions Abound”
Do you ever have those moments in life…moments you don’t necessarily realize will be the defining moments until you realize that they are? Today Logan was diagnosed with Autism. While that is not what is defining my life, or his, or even our families, it is a true testament to the people that I have around me and the people I believed were my friends. When your family is given 2 life altering diagnosis in 2 months time frame, it can be overwhelming for those around you, and they can feel unsure what to say, so they say nothing. For me today, friendships were anchored, and others are not so important anymore. Today I realized how blessed I am that my mom is my best friend in the world. That she is funny and sweet and loves me to the core, but more importantly, she doesn’t let me have these hard moments alone. She is my hero, if I can be half of the mom and woman that she is, I will never fail. Continue reading “Life changed forever today…”
As time goes by and I become more accepting with our diagnosis, I realize that even more so now, I am his advocate, his voice, his protector, his champion. Yes, as a mom I was already all of those things, but now….now if I fail….well that is not an option, this is now my mission. One I can’t fail at, one I won’t fail at. I have come to realize our diagnosis is a path that was opened to us and while there are a ton of hills on this path, it’s a pretty amazing adventure. I have also realized that I say “our diagnosis” because at the end of the day, it really is OURS. It affects Logan, it affects me, and it affects Kolten. We are a package deal, if it happens to one, it happens to all. We all have to deal with the crazy that accompanies Kolten. Now, who knows if some of the things that happen (like Kolten undecorating the tree while Logan sobs that Kolten hates Christmas) are age related or if they are autism related…only time can tell. We are all going gluten free, because it is best for Kolten. We are a family, we will stick together in this journey, we will meet every challenge as 3 against 1. There is nothing that together and with Christ that we cannot overcome. Continue reading “What I have Accepted”
It has been about two weeks since the initial diagnosis. Two weeks since the word Autism made a permanent journey to live in our house. Two weeks since our eyes have been opened to change.
Two weeks ago, I was overwhelmed with all of the change and the journey that our life was now going to take. Kolten had been diagnosed with Autism and we needed to figure out what that meant and how it was going to really shape our life. We have started some big changes in how we do things, the way we eat and even the way sleep is being tackled.
Today was the day. Today was D-day as I was affectionately calling it. Today was the day that answers for Kolten would happen. Today, after a full day of testing, we got the diagnosis. Kolten has autism. Kolten. Autism. Kolten.
Logically I have been here for a month or two. When it was first suggested, I started to do mass research on it. Kolten fit in so many places. He had all the signs and I hadn’t seen it. But hearing the diagnosis today was bittersweet. It was on one hand, reassuring, because now, finally we have answers for his behaviors and outbursts. But on the flip side…it is hard to hear. It is hard to hear that your kid is always going to be different, in a world where differences are not always celebrated…especially as a kid.
This last month has been filled with appointments, struggles, joys, changes, triumphs and confusion. Like any normal person, I feel like in a month’s span my emotions run the course, but this last month especially. Each person in our family has gone through one struggle or another and we are muttering our way through that struggle. Continue reading “Figuring this thing called life out…”